


A Dancing Puppet

by Pyret1582



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band), NewS (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Rape, Slice of Life, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-11
Updated: 2012-10-11
Packaged: 2017-11-16 02:00:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/534231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pyret1582/pseuds/Pyret1582
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How can you carve out a piece that doesn’t belong to you, when no part belonged to you, when you run like poison inside your veins, woven together in an endless dance, you’re crawling under my skin and I can’t breathe no matter how desperate I try to fill the air into my lungs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Dancing Puppet

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write angst~ very angst so here you go
> 
> Don't blame me for the Tegoshi/Kamenashi thing though its Raven_nyx's fault

僕の夜に残す答え

 

 

Pant, groan, wheeze and a moan of love, those painful sounds as I hit that bundle of nerves inside you, seeing your skin shiver with goosebumps and I bite down roughly on your skin that met the neck and shoulder, nipping and licking and you whimper underneath me. I groan feeling your leg tense around my waits and your stomach muscles clench somewhat and my palm smothers softly down that flat stomach feeling the taught muscles under my palm. I draw out a long moan when I feel your muscles tighten around me milking me closer to the edge and I groan your name on my lips before I collapse letting my seed fill you as I pant after breath, feeling the stickiness between us. Too tired to move our lips met in a sweet soft kiss, tender and sloppy as the tiredness crash down upon us and I close my eyes as you kiss chest kisses on my lips and I draw a sigh. Your lips found my forehead planning a soft kiss a top of there.

A painful path was made long ago; the warmth you seek is too far away to reach.   

\----

The next day hides in lies, a cold façade of pretending. We parted you searched after warmth while I threw you away like garbage.

“I love you.”

I will never replay those three words.

“Kame?”

Kazuya blinks as Koki met his eyes, and he gives him a weak smile, reassuring him that he’s fine.

\----

We fight for our dreams, reaching out after it - you chase a dream that turns into a nightmare.

Panting underneath you, you’re really a sex god, your pale skin illuminates in the dark, your stomach tense, your body stretch out as you came with a half open mouth and your skilled hips draws me to the edge and your body sags down against mine my fingers tugs at those long locks and you blinks up at me with daze dazzle eyes. I catch your lips in a rough demanding kiss, biting down roughly in fragile skin and a whimper left your lips. Demanding and dominating as I am I feel you hardening trapped between our bodies, the bulge rubbing against my stomach, obstinate sub, I growl. You’re so lost.

_‘Watashi wa ima naze doko?’_

Run from a dream you couldn’t reach, dust you grasp in the palm of your hand and I slip away.

‘Mesia~’

That name seems so distance in your voice, like poison, like you didn’t know that name.

“I love you~” It seemed like a distance echo for my ears.  

I catch your lips in a demanding rough kiss. You’re mine, mine to pleasure whenever I please, like the poison that I am running underneath your skin.

\---

“Kazuya, you okay?”

“I’m fine Yuuchi…” Kazuya says giving him a faint smile. They haven’t noticed anything had they?

He just couldn’t shower today, they would see, the rough marks on his skin, the hickeys that dwelled on his skin, sign of domination abuse - the hidden façade.

“Kazuya you want to go out with us later, to catch something to eat?” Koki asks giving his sweet smile and puppy eyes and a part of Kazuya can’t say no – he said he had something to take care off, that he would meet up with them later, and they believed him.  

“Okay, I met up with you later…” And Kazuya escapes out from the dressing room, home getting his marathon leaping heartbeat under control. Safe under his shower his façade slipping and he can feel the tears kiss his cheeks and he muffles his sobs.

Feeling used.

Kazuya wished he could turn back time - turn the time table back four years, or was it five years? – No back to the beginning when they first met.  

When he didn’t need to hide in a façade - when he didn’t need to run for the truth, when Akame still existed and when gravitation didn’t seem too exist.

Rampaging after clothes, he’s ready and he calls Koki asking where they are going to meet and he secures his scarf around his neck meeting the chill which doesn’t seem to bite his skin.

He feels empty, soulless and lost.

Time leaps – and how can you escape from yourself?

“Kazuya, you need to eat…”

Kazuya met Koki’s worried eyes. He can’t eat, his stomach won’t stomach any food, no matter even if his stomach makes a low rumble sound.

“Not hungry…”

It’s not first time – and it won’t be his last.

\---

“Jin~” You moan my name as I slam into your lithe fragile body, my fingers digging into fragile skin at your waist drawing red thin marks, a mark that you belong to me and I hear you moan slightly in pain and my speed ceased – and you are chasing a fragment of your dream.

Pants, puffs of air and you snuggle closer against me, spooning me and I let you, for now.

“I’m going to be a father…”

I feel you froze.

‘I love you’

How can you carve out a piece that doesn’t belong to you, when no part belonged to you, when you run like poison inside your veins, woven together in an endless dance, you’re crawling under my skin and I can’t breathe no matter how desperate I try to fill the air into my lungs.  

\----

Kazuya can’t breathe, he’s suffocating – it burns.

A soldier lost in the battle.

_Light my fire_

“Kazuya something is wrong?”

Kazuya wants to say everything is fine, when it obvious isn’t.

“I love him.”

Koki looks puzzled – but the doom fell, he knows.  

“You have to end it…”

How, when I am so lost the distance in your eyes, far away is the place where we separated.

\----

Used, thrown away, dirty you search after my eyes.

“Why Jin, why?”

“Because I can…” You growls against my lips and I’m lost in a maze which doesn’t point the right sign of direction.

Help me.

“Kazuya you okay?”

Koki, some part it felt like he could see right through him. The room fell silent and eyes on him as he gives them a faint smile on this early morning.

“I’m fine.”

But on the inside he was crumbling, breaking a part from the only little thing he called human.

\-----

I’m lost in a sea, floating away, time became timeless.

“You have to end it…”

“How?” Kazuya’s voice cracks looking into Koki’s concert eyes.

“It will destroy you…”

Poison, you are one, running through my veins, I try to run, escape but I can’t find a way out.

“How, Koki?”

Koki’s afraid for the answer he’s gonna give, he’s not some councelor, all he can do is pray and make Kame see what’s lays in front of him, this is wrong this is human, and it’s frustrating to just stand there seeing his friend destroying himself, ripping himself to pieces, killing the only little hope he seemed to cling on too.

“Let him go…”

“You must say no…” Koki advices him, and he left a clueless stricken Kame to ponder on his thoughts and Koki hopped those words would slip, before, before it was too late.

Save him before it’s too late, please kami-sama.    

Kazuya felt frozen, that simple one word. A word that could change the future, he closed his eyes leaning back his heart jumped a beat and he heard a word in the distance calling his name, but he was lost and timeless with no gravitation under him.

\---

When he came to, pain and he felt empty.

“He’s awake…” A voice chirps beside him softly.

“How are you Kame?”

“What happen?” His voice weak cracks behind his meaning and he feels his head being raised from the pillow he’s resting and the edge from fragile glass filled with water sending jolts of sensation against his lips. The cold liquid wash away the taste of blood in his mouth, and he feels his eyes flutter close.

“Sleep…”

_Tegoshi, since when?_

“He found you…” Koki whispers as he could read his mind, or maybe the frown upon his face.

And he falls into a restless sleep.

“Since when did he become so thin?”

One look from Koki, and Tegoshi knew it was all he needed.

“He’s destroying himself…”  

It’s like watching 2005 all over again.

“He’s keeping holding into false hope.”

This image he was hiding from the world, if they only knew. Kazuya you don’t have to be so perfect, let go – you’re human just like everyone else.

Tegoshi went back into the room. He didn’t want to see Kazuya crumble. His fingers combs through the hair feeling its silkiness.

Come back Kame.

_‘Kakegae no nai YOU! YOU! YOU! ’_

\---- 

“I want you…”

‘No, you just want my body’

But those words never slipped his lips and he felt frozen in place and he notices his band mates worried stares from the other side of the room, should he replay, should he just ignore it, it was Jin after all and he felt breathless.

“And you will have me…” He replays.

“Kame…”

“Don’t Koki, Don’t you dare…”

A dancing puppet, that’s what he is a puppet in a rat and cat game.

_’Futari de mita yoake no ano iro kirei na murasaki datta ne’_

Moan, pant, bodies pressed together, bound together, woven together air seemed to not find any space to come between them. Nails scratch fragile skin making red wales wounds down the back, a groan came out of two thin linen lips and I close the distance and catch those lips in rough demanding kiss.

Crawling into his very being, Jin had taken a hold on him – plunging down in the dark abyss.

Kizuna.

An unbreakable bond.

You lay panting over me, your lungs screams in protest, screaming after air. I run my fingers to your sweat cover hair and you gaze at me with those brown eyes, and time stops while I drown in what is you and I’m married as my hearts jumps a beat.

This is wrong, but I can’t stop, I’m downing in you and I know I am lost, lost as you are. 

It’s there even an end. I don’t want to stop,  I love you, I love you for what you are, I love you for being a such beautiful being, I love you for holding KAT-TUN together and I hate myself for throwing you used body to the wolfs.

Hate me – hit me, please Kazuya, say that you hate me, but don’t leave me, I can’t do this alone and my façade is back, my walls in place as I close my eyes.

You have all of me, I just whished you knew and somewhere deep inside I know you do, just have to search for it that glimmer of hope and hold on, grasp it and cling on, cling on for me.

Kazuya feels those puffs of air against his chest, he knows that Jin’s asleep and he strokes his nails down the back, he has made his decisions, he was determinate.

Clinging on to false hope, it seemed like a dream, but he can’t go on – he have to let Jin free.  

\----

“Eat Kame-chan…” Koki tries cooing his friend into eating, holding a bento of homemade food in front of a pair of brown tired eyes.

“You don’t need to grow thinner…” A chirped happy voice made itself know and Tegoshi’s bright smile was like the sun as he grabs the bento from Koki’s hand pulling his right arm around Kame’s slim waits leading him away as he winked at Koki – in a secret languish they seemed to only understand and Koki let the turtle slip from his fingers, but he couldn’t help to chuckle amused – loving Yuya would be so much easier.

“What?” Yuichi asked.

“Nothing…” Koki answers and he had no idea of how much Yuichi was a riddle clue, not seeing something woven in front of him, another bond was being made with careful steps.  

\----- 

Kazuya would go crazy. He was sleep derivate he knew that, three hours sleep , but he couldn’t sleep as he memorizing the lyrics for their upcoming songs and he feels his eyes dropping sliding close, but no sleep came and the annoying buzz from his phone made him reach after it – checking who the sender was and his smile never amused him.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” he replays.

“Speak for yourself…”

And Tegoshi’s annoying chirped voice doesn’t seem to leave him.

“Welcome to my world…” He writes back.

“In fact I am living in your world…”

Sarcasm that all there is, but somewhere deep inside him, he softens at those words.

“Then how is it?” Kazuya writes back, hopping that someone could tell him how his destructive life was, get the doom to fall down.

“Dull, extremely dull and the person that lives it doesn’t know when to say the word “No”…”

And Kazuya closes his eyes, knowing very well that Yuya’s right.

“How can I?”

 ---- 

They say that every chapter has an end, and Kazuya wonders when his will end – who would write the last words on his chapter.

“You need to say no, Kame…”

“I know Yuya, but how after so many years, how?”

Yuya looks at him, with a blank look until he snaps, he grabs a hold on Kazuya’s slave on his collar and with a final push lips met and Yuya feel Kazuya freeze, but slowly melt and the lips kissed back, danced against in each other in sweet chest kisses and time stops. Fingers start undoing buttons reaching after naked skin and Kazuya lets him.

“Let me Kame, let me love you…”

And Kazuya crumbles, he’s falling and he feels teeth begins to nip on his heated skin and air seemed to be an unspeakable word and Kazuya wound his arms around the slim figure and bedroom seemed to be the only thing in mind.

The final season leaf petals are falling.

\----

Now he had just to say that simple word and Kazuya wonders when Tegoshi took a place in his heart, wounding himself around it.

He closes his eyes, leaning his head against Jin’s shoulder, dilemma, one of them, no two. He was in the middle of it – but Yuya could lend him the love he needed, and Jin was just using him, throwing him to the side when he was through with him, he was married and excepting a child soon.

He should think about a future, a future without him in it. Kazuya would watch them from afar – he needed to get Jin to understand that he needed to let go to not hold onto him anymore, a broken love.

‘I love you, but you pulling me down, you need to let go, let me free Jin – set yourself free..’

\-----

Piece by piece their turtle was slowly coming out from his shell, smiling – glowing even. Somewhere he had found his hope, but a façade he hidden away from everyone, never shown outside, or in front of the fans. Never letting it shown of how much he was crumbling.

But letting a piece of himself show in front of his band mates – he needed them more than ever, his courage building up, to put an end to this, false dreams and hopes and he met Yuya’s sparkling eyes and wonder when he had fallen.

\-----

“So you have decided…”

“Yes…”

Perfection, he didn’t need to be perfect not now, but he didn’t need to hide behind a façade – his friends saw right through him.

“Kame, no matter what, we’ll stay behind you…”

But he loved him, but he couldn’t go on false messages.

“Thank you.”

‘I’ll end it tonight…’

God give me strength.

“Koki…I’m scared…”

And those eyes made Koki’s heart clench.

“I love him…”

“You love a lie…”

Kazuya knew that, his heart was just scared to admit it – too afraid to let go.

‘Would his body ever belong to him again?’

He had to say no, getting an end to this charade.

“Kame, eat something…” He heard Yuichi chirp at him, worried eyes watching him.

\-----

Tonight, it was time to close the chapter with Jin, once and for all, give himself a new chance to love. Open his heart to someone who deserved it – give it to someone who could keep it safe.

Maybe his heart would open up again.

‘No more pain’

The twisted reality came crashing down. The bell rang announcing him of arrival of this journeys end.

Jin closed the door behind him, his cold dead eyes meeting his and he feels a wall nail against his back and Jin’s lips on his, his arms tugging on Jin’s arms trying to speak a languish Jin didn’t seem to understand as he tried to pry the older man off him.

“Jin, stop…”

“No…”

He felt those teeth scrap against his skin on his throat.

“No…”

Brown lust full eyes met his as they blinked.

“Jin no...”

“Stop it, you can’t…”

Jin saw red, yes he could.

“No…”

That pleading voice didn’t reach his ears.

‘Mine’

“Stop!”

Kazuya bit down, hard in Jin’s shoulder feeling the tingle of iron against his teeth.

Jin growled, an animalistic sound erupts from the back of his throat and he pushed Kazuya rougher against the wall.

“Mine…” 

Kazuya’s mind blanked, he was helpless. Letting his mind wander on a path that seemed endless and he saw Yuya, he was standing there like a wall which he couldn’t tear down.

He felt teeth give him a gentle nipple and he pushed harder against the body trying to get the older one to snap out of it.

“No Jin, stop, did even occur to you that this…”

“It’s so right, yes…” Lips closed over his lips.

“I love someone else…”

It seemed like Jin tried to register those words, and slowly they sank down and he growls.

“You can’t love someone else…”

Kazuya chuckles darkly.

“Unfortunately I am…”

“You’re mine. Mine to please whenever I feel satisfied to do it…” Growl of possession came from those lips and Kame was afraid. His body shivered and he felt those arms close around his waists and he shook himself away from that embrace, escaping but an arm closed around his wrist and yanked him back.

“You’re mine!”

‘Save me’

He untangles himself away from Jin’s hold escaping across the living room and he has a raging bull after him, which seemed to see code red. Fingers closed around his wrist yanking him back and he felt splinters hit his face, right over his left brow from a vase and the tingle of red liquid trails down like a river pass his eye and he felt the world go dizzy for a moment.

“You’re mine!” Jin shouts and presses his lips against Kazuya’s.

Kame whimpers silently, defeated voice and he could hear his heart beating, drumming in his ears, fear. Fear of the man he once loved.

‘Jin, what happen to you?’

He closes his eyes, feeling his body going numb when he was being moved and limped in a pair of arms, but Jin continue like he owned him and Kazuya don’t remember when he was being lowered down upon the bed. Time seemed to stand still – and he would just let Jin have his wicked way with him.

He couldn’t feel anything, the teeth nipped at his skin, Jin took him, long and hard like a grunting desperate wild animal and Kazuya couldn’t feel his body anymore, his mind where somewhere else but his eyes was a witness.

“Kazuya you’re mine…” Jin grunts and falls down, sweaty and panting after breath.

The grunting had stopped and Kazuya blinked the tears away, he had lost his feelings in his legs somewhere along the way but they would heal, he wonders if his heart would mend.

Numbed he don’t care about Jin’s warm puffing breath against his skin, he can feel them but he slips into a fitful sleep – and wonders when the nightmare will end. He feels dizzy and sick to the stomach, used just to please someone he thought loved him.

‘Jin I love you…’

\-----

 When he came to, he could hear the beeping from a machine, the sound from his heart beat and the stale air seemed to enter his nostrils. Hospital the room was illuminated in the blackness arrival of the late afternoon.

And he wonders what had happen, his mind was blank and the last thing he remembers was falling asleep with Jin over him – Jin where was he? He groans when his senses kicked in and he heard a croak of a worried voice beside him.

“Kazuya?”  

And he met a pair of light brown eyes.

“Yuya…” His own voice croaked.

“Hush…”

He felt his head being raised slowly and gently from the bed and the fragile glass against his lips, tasting the cold taste of water wash away the dry feeling and his eyes met Yuya’s worried eyes.

“What happen?”

He feels a soft tender kiss upon his forehead and lips that linger there, tingled against his pale skin.

\---

_“What happen here?”_

_Chaos that was all Koki could read, a crime scene coming to life right before his eyes, Kazuya, when he saw the blood stream on the floor, his nightmares seemed to come to life._

_“Kazuya!” Koki yells out, totally desperate, worry hinted in his voice._

_He opens the bedroom door carefully, not really wanting to confirm the truth, but what met his eyes made him lose his breath he was holding._

_“Kame…” Tatsuya worried voice alarmed the bell._

_The red stained sheets, the sight of abuse stained the room._

_“Kazuya…”_

\----

“That’s how they found you…”

“And Jin?” He croaks out.

“Gone, you didn’t answer that phone that morning, nor showed up at work.”

Another kiss was pressed against that part of his forehead that was bandaged up.

“Forget him Kame.” And Yuya wraps his fingers around Kame’s meting those lost eyes and lips met in a tender kiss.

“Save me…”

And that soft whisper of helplessness was enough for Yuya’s ears to hear, the silent plea.

\----

Two days later Kazuya was discharged from the hospital, from the eye sight from the media, quiet down this did not happen. Kazuya returned to work his gauze hidden underneath a hat.         

“Kazuya, you okay?”

“I’m fine…” He gave Yuichi a faint smile. He was fine on the way to mend.

“And Jin?”

Kazuya takes a breath meeting the worried eyes, with an obvious sympathy shining in them, like a father that wanted to protect their child – and Kazuya lets him.

“We’re over, done with… We’re through.” Kazuya can see those eyes sigh in relief and a reassuring smile.

The bond broken.

Kazuya smiles and he walks out from the chancing room, his body still on the mend after all but slowly manages to convince his friends, day by day that he’s on the mend.

His pathway was crossed a wall was standing in front of him, that bright smile and a pair of dazzle light brown eyes gaze at him loving.

Patience comes with a package to take a step back.  

“Hi my name is Tegoshi Yuya…”

And Kazuya felt at peace as he grasps that hand, feeling its warmness.

Maybe he could learn to love again.


End file.
